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value

an informative period of time preceeds this post in which value has been at the forefront of my thinking.  as well as thinking there has been a lot of doing, i think i've had my busiest january for some time and its been good.

reflecting for a moment about where my journey began here on mhfe, i remember it was around the notion of forest school for men and my upcoming class within the research project.  the project showed me the value in being with other people and doing things that make oneself feel good about oneself.  it might seem an obvious thing when seeing it written down however in the moment it sometimes becomes diffcult to remember and put into practice.

recently i've been asked to give my "top tip" for undergraduate students on similar programmes to what i studied.  the tip evolved around adding value to what they did by connecting to people and organisations who want to connect with what they do.  again seems obvious ... however when faced with the day to day situation in front of one this is easy to forget.

talking of forgetting i'd like to share a thought with you i had while cooking dinner this evening.  i've been told several times that with my life i can do anything i want to do.  (i'm currently waiting to hear the outcome of an interview and an expression of interest for two opportunities of work that freinds and family had brought to my attention.)

in consdering the notion of doing or being anything i wanted to be while stirring the broccoli i saw the caveat within the statement.  that being that yes this is true if someone else agrees and sees the value in what one does.  

so in my ongoing endeavour to find more ways of turning my time into money i am so dependent on others agreeing with my stance.

i write that and wonder so why have i put myself into a position where its up to others agreeing with the value i put upon what i do to generate an income for myself when i have every opporunity to present a service or some such that others can buy from ?

again the relationship appears to be the same, mere sematics framing it differently.

withstanding projecting out and blamng the system i turn to look at myself.

i feel almost everyday the untenable force holding me back.  its fueled by years of people telling me i can't do that.  i've even had a near deaf person with whom i collaborated for a while on a voluntary basis tell me that i shouldn't try to become a bsl interpretor because i wouldn't be any good at it.

 

i take time to ponder what i've written, become distracted by movements of the family in the room i'm in.

 

in evolving the forest school for men idea i've been very safe in the progress i've made, almost to the point of stalling.  one reason might be to keep myself safe from those words that would leave no where to go.

instead i've been steady and have had help from a friend with whom we've chatted, explored and tried something that is proving to be successful.

in my research for the forest school for men idea i came across the japanese practice of forest bathing.  from what i could yield from the web and with my friend and his partner and my partner we made an inspired by forest bathing walk.  i think i actually have earlier posts about this very thing.

in supporting my partner with something she wanted to follow we've become connected with a group who have an allotmant and a woodland they manage.  in early january we made a visit to the woodland because the group are interesting in the forest bathing aspect of my practice.  its only because of facilitating three sessions during three weekends of january that i've been unable to take the inspired by forest bathing further.

two of the three sessions involve a walking element and a doing element.  having the opporuntity to plan and deliver the sessions has shown me - convinced me i can believe more in myself than i maybe would let myself do.

so ....... value.

 

i see even though at times others might not see the value in what i do there will be other times when others do.  the constant - and this is something i need to practice - is believing in the value of myself by myself.

my note to self here is to take the belief from january and let it grow throughout the rest of this year - and anticipating  in february there will be   s a d   times and to work at making this better too.

 

for consistency i need to add that i know my dsylexia affects my ability to prgress and to earn a better wage for me and my family and to be honest i still haven't a clear idea of how to get out of this circle i'm in.  makes me consider what might the differences be between the maths of a circle and a spiral.

 

i leave this for my future self : andrew have you held your head up and followed what you believe and made progress ?  don't worry if you feel you can do better - there is always tomorrow, for now, make a cup of tea, relax and enjoy being with those around you.