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six six six : how the storey is different

my partner has told me the storey of the huffington duck - it's april fools day and still before midday.  we chuckle and read about the national trust finding a sword in a lake.  

i'd sat down to write about my sixth session, the humour of the day has rather infiltrated my intention.

at the last session we completed our data gathering exercise. slightly longer than before so it made the session a little disjointed.  i've been reflecting about where i am now, having completed six sessions.

it's been my first wellbeing through ... course.  in my first post i was open about my reservations about the course and now at the end i'm inclined to look back at how i can remember that being and write about my feelings about it now.

my statement about if i had known it was about music i wouldn't have done it : connected to underlying grief at the loss of my mother.  it was only last summer when she passed, it was unexpected and very quick.  not close to my mum in my older years, she did however have an influence on my relationship to music as a child.

during the course my moment backstage at felixstowe during an amateur dramatic production where i saw my mum in a huge ball gown came back to my conciuos thinking.  my mum had a lot of things she could have done differently.  her singing voice was good.  there were at least two moments in her singing career that might have lead her to a different place and both of these were not taken.  her at times over bearing intention to make me be someone rather back fired as rather than increasing my confidence it had quite the opposite effect.

the course has helped me to reconnect with sharing music with others.  when younger one of my pleasures in life was finding what i felt was the right music for the situation i was in with friends.  it's worked both ways too.  i've now experienced a lot of music i've not heard before.  for example from thursday ...



i didn't know really what to expect from the course and i was hard on it to start with because of pain i felt not generated by the course.  my social compliant self is telling me to apologise.


i have to take time out to listen to this



taking a wellbeing through course has been a different learning experince to factual / technique learning courses.  it's felt much more holistic than those other forms of learning.

that idea i have connected to forest school for men that i struggle to take further than that statement might well be better being thought of as a wellbeing through course.  i just need to arrive at what the vehicle is.

from the course i will take away from it a want to explore creation of soundscapes.  my dream is to create a browser based generative work.  to get there i will take small attainable steps.    

i've not shared this with the group as i'd forgotten about it.  a slightly piss taking video from a few years ago..... filmed edited and soundtrack by me ...



on thursday i shared this video with the group : 



it's made me cry today.  i remember my days of waving arms and legs to tunes as i danced my way through evenings out, letting myself express the moment by placing my limbs in places that made me feel good.  

i reflect about how taking this course has help me to grieve about things i had lost.

so what of the future ?

later today i'll attempt to hang a door.


if i could i would continue with the course.  its a place where i feel safe and able to share things with people who get what i like, as i get what they like.  having somewhere to go and share things i have made would help build my confidence.  


being on the course has helped me to cry again.  there have been so many beautiful tunes that have been so rich the feelngs inside have over flowed.

there's one more tune i'd like to share with you here.  it's another heard on radio 3.


as it plays i try to write something of a conclusion about the six weeks.  after a bumpy beginning i settled into a benefical relationship with an holistic course in which i shared and recieved new musical experiences beyond any expectation.  this was enhanced by what i was able to put into the process away from the thursday night sessions.  would i do the course again ? yes as i now am more confident with what a wellbeing through course is.  


Hi Andrew, please excuse my last response I put your second name, its too late for my dyslexic brain but I couldnt resist commenting. You nearly brought me to tears with this post, so moving.  Your reflections are so beautiful. I am so pleased you found place of connection and acceptance on your course. Your journey through the six weeks has been a wonder to read about. Thank you so much for blogging your journey.

andrew martyn sugars's picture

hi alicia

thank you for adding your comment.  

both liam's and your support and ability to make space for me to explore how i feel in the moment have really helped me to grow in confidence.

thank you to both of you.

Hi Andrew

It is my pleasure to see the outcome of the course you selected was beneficial to you.  It is all credit to you that you embraced the opportunity and pushed through against all the thoughts and feelings that you had at the beginning.  It looks like using the blog was a helpful way to unpick those thoughts and feelings and helped you to go on to completion of the course. Something to celebrate. Thank you to you once again for sharing and giving your time to the research.